We've said it before, and there's no harm saying it again, so we will. Imitation is indeed the greatest form of flattery.
Therefore it was with some pleasure that we received an email in the NÖ Inbox, courtesy of those rose-tinted fellows at Rapha. 'Experience the greatest rides in Europe with Rapha' was the email subject. The ensuing multi-media message went on to endorse this directive, by adding the word 'exclusive'.

So unless I sport the single-striped arm of allegiance, this suggests, I'll never experience such an... experience.

From May to September next year, and for somewhere in the region of £2,600 you can join an 'exclusive' group of twelve riders, on a six-day point-to-point
Randonnée. They use the words 'adventure' and 'epic' to embellish the potential. And purport to take inspiration from the traditional form of such activity, with its inherent tests of endurance, self-sufficiency and exploration. To that list, we would suggest character is a vital, and missing, component. Yes, you can take a break from your desk job, pay your 'exclusive' fee, and with it get Team car back-up, a dedicated mechanic, Bidons, energy drinks, bars and gels provided each day, your nutritious meals brought to each checkpoint, and some rather nice togs to wear. We almost forgot - you'll also get a guide rider too, so you don't have to worry about what's around the next bend.
Epic? Adventure? Self-sufficiency? How about this - take a pen, a blank sheet of paper, and map of europe. Then plan a ten-day journey, spanning three countries and over 600 miles of cycling, researching all end-of-day stopovers (each to offer a certain individual allurement), all necessary train transfers, the contour patterns as you progress, ALL the clothing, nutrition, and paperwork you'll require from A to B, how to get your bike from London to the start point, how to get it back from the end point. You'll need to be able to converse in three different languages over the entire journey, carry EVERYTHING you need on your bike, rebuild your packaged bike prior to starting (having physically hauled it through three major european train termini), mail your bike-bag forward to your end point (for re-bagging as your set off back to London), constantly map-read as you travel, making on-the-fly workarounds (just incase one particular avenue is blocked, forcing a mountainous bypass climb, by chance featured in the Milan>San Remo, for example), take your turn at the front to pull the team through, work out when (and what) to eat at your own choice of checkpoint, and document the entire experience by filming a
hi-definition movie account, as you ride. You'll need to bring this all home for a third of the Rapha price. You'll need to book all your own accommodation. You'll throw in at least one century ride. You'll need to dig deep when the going gets tough, and you can't work out part of you hurts the most. Oh, and while your at it, raise £2,000 for charity.
All that said, you might still prefer the 'cotton wool' kind of epic, from which you can return to the pub a fully paid-up randonneur.

We don't do exclusive. And as for 'adventure' - how about riding your bike around the rooftop of Le Corbusier's celebrated masterpiece
Unité d'Habitation (note our masthead image carrying this moment), whilst the sun sets, the cols you just nailed blanketing one horizon, and the rolling Mediterranean sea kissing the other.
At NÖ we do
epic.